100 Days Project

Kayla: Grief. Mercy. Language

I will write some form of poem or prose each day, experimenting with different structures, voices and styles in order to create emotive texts that explore the limits of language and meaning.

They say Deja Vu is a sense of having been somewhere before - but for me, it is a form of time travel. Recently, I was walking along the beach just an hour before sunset and found myself time travelling back to me, almost exactly ten years earlier. On another beach, in another time. But the smell was the same, the black sand, the colour of the water, the placement of the sun. It all came flooding back. Me, sitting alone on the beach. Casting stones into the water like wishes. Hoping that as the tide came in, it would bring the miracle I needed. I had sat there alone, after school, praying help me, help me, help me.

But in this moment now, at 25, I was happy. Help had come, and I was OK. I was safe. I was loved. And so as I cast a stone into the water I time travelled back to her, 15 years old and sitting on the beach, asking for help. And I was able to help her, instantly. Through time travel, ten long years compressed into nothing. And in a second, her suffering was ended.

I believe this is possible because memory exists in the imagination - allowing the past to be rewritten as we please. So according to my logic - if today's me can go back and heal my past, the future me should be able to heal my present.

So as I lay in bed last night, before sleep, I closed my eyes and imagined the beautiful future that might lie ahead. I asked for help. And waited for the happier me to time travel back, and make it all better. 

Day 9:

Time Travel