100 Days Project

Anita/Fern: Now and Then

Some days I look at my husband, our three children, our cat, and our home, blink, and think "How did I get here?"
I find myself constantly wondering how my life's events led me to this exact moment in time. How did I become the person I am today?
In an effort to figure that out, I am going to spend 100 days reflecting on the way things are now, and the way things used to be.
Every day I will take note of a single moment or event as it occurs, and will use it to remind myself of a moment or event from my past. I will then write about both my "Now"s and my "Then"s as openly and honestly as I possibly can, in an effort to give myself and others a little insight into both the person I am, and the person I once was. Are we really one in the same?

I’m feeding the baby while my sister takes charge in my kitchen. It’s not her house but she’s made herself at home. She’s preparing vegetables for my daughters’ dinner and she’s putting groceries away in the fridge and she seems happy in her work. I appreciate the help. When the baby needs feeding, the baby needs feeding. If Sophie wasn’t here the girls’ dinner would have been put on hold. That’s just the way it is.

She’s got the carrots and broccoli and cauliflower on the stove now, and she’s almost ready to get started on the cob loaf. It’s a Gisborne thing, apparently. She’s made it for me once before, and I’m looking forward to having it again. My stomach is growling. The baby is still nursing. The girls are playing instead of packing their toys away. Sophie decides she wants to change into something more comfortable.

Her over-night bag is resting on the floor behind the dining table. Sophie walks out of the kitchen and around to her bag and she pulls out a pair of trackpants. She announces that she’ll quickly change her pants where she is, she can’t be bothered going down to the bathroom. I’m already sitting here with my boob out, it’s not like there’s any need to be shy.

I avert my eyes, and my sister and I joke about the neighbours copping an eye full. Sophie wiggles her knicker-clad bottom at the window, and as we laugh I remember...

Me and Sophie are in the swimming pool and we’ve been practicing our hand stands. It’s really fun. What we do is we say “Nigger nigger, pull the trigger, pop bang...” and then we say the kind of handstand we want the other person to do, like spaghetti means you have to wiggle your legs in the air, and genie means you have to have your knees bent and the bottoms of your feet pushed together. There are heaps of different ones. Our big sister Keren said that Nigger isn’t a nice word, but she’s the one that taught us that rhyme, and we can’t think of another word that rhymes with trigger, so we just say it anyway. We don’t really know what it means.

We’re standing in the pool and we’re just about to do another handstand, but we can hear a banging noise. We look up and we see our big brother Richard and he’s standing in the hallway and knocking on the window and calling out our names. We look up at him and when he sees us looking he quickly turns around and he bends over and pulls his pants down and shows us his bum and it's all hairy and gross. Yuck!

Me and Sophie scream and yell, and Richard pulls his pants back up and runs away and we can see he’s laughing. Richard always does stuff like that. It’s really gross, but it’s not as bad as when he farts in our faces. That’s the worst thing.

Day 45:

An eye full

That wasn't the last bum I've seen pressed up against a window.