Day 36: Slinky
Height: 10 inches
Weight: 7 pounds
Nickname(s): Daddy's little princess, Little miss perfect, "that bitch that stole my parents"
Star sign: Taurus
Editors note: today's profile may be slightly biased, because this bitch stole my parents. No, seriously, she did. The little tart made them fall in love with her, and now they prefer her company to mine.
This morning the doorbell rang
Of course Slinky was primped within an inch of her life and looking as petite and perfect as always.
The little bitch ... I mean, Slinky had come to visit the agency, not to look for a date, but to offer her services as a friend and companion to the lonely hearted. It's enough to make anyone want to vomit, but Slinky apparently thinks that some people don't want a lover, they just want a friend. "I see myself as an ambassador of sorts, I like to make a difference, and I know there are lots of lonely people out there who would love to have someone to chat to. It would be my pleasure to offer this service to people in need."
I asked Slinky why the f****k she thinks anyone would want to hang out with her, and she responded "Now Catniss, that's not very nice language. You know mum and dad don't like swearing. Anyway, I think people would like me visiting them, because I'm very sweet. I won't steal your food, jump on the bench, leave my fur lying around or sharpen my claws on anyone."
If you'd like to run Slinky over with a steam roller, or permanently remove her from my parents residence, please use the keyword 'suck-up'.