Day 32: Finster
Height: 12 inches
Weight: 12 pounds
Nickname(s): Finse, Pinse, Finsey Pinse, Creamsicle Megadeath
Star sign: Aquarius
Finster called in to the agency a few days ago looking for a hot date to take to the opera. We sat down for a quick Q&A with the Finster to find out what he's looking for in a lover and what he can bring to the party. The interview didn't quite turn out as we expected, so here in its entirety is the full transcript of our meeting:
Ella (agency interviewer): "So Finster, tell us about yourself?"
Finster: "Working hard to make a living, bringing shelter from the rain, a fathers son left to carry on blue denim in his vein ... oh oh oh he's a working class man."
Ella: "Woah, woah woah, are you going to sing all the answers to us? Geez. Ummm ... Okay, is it just Jimmy Barnes you'll be doing, can we put in a request for something different? Our intern is a fan of Stevie Wonder and I'd like to hear a bit of Coldplay. Also, it's kind of creepy that you're singing about yourself in third person. I'd really like it if you'd just answer the questions properly so we can find a good match for you. Back to the questions ... what brings you to the agency today?"
Finster: "I can't get no satisfaction. I can't get no satisfaction. 'Cause I try and I try and I try and I try. I can't get no, I can't get no ..."
Ella: "Problems with your member? I'm not sure that we can provide assistance with that Finster. Have you tried the blue pills?"
Finster: "Now the drugs don't work. They just make you worse..."
Ella: "Honestly, the Verve? What is this 1997? One last chance to answer something seriously and then you're out of here buster! What are you looking for in a potential date?"
Finster: "I'm looking for a hard headed woman, One who will take me for myself, And if I find my hard headed woman, I will need nobody else, no, no."
With that final Cat Stevens lyric, Finster was swiftly booted out the door. Ella has a very low tolerance for musicals, so future clients should be warned not to push their luck.
If you'd like to go on a date with Finster, please use the keyword 'Mr. Mistoffelees'.