100 Days Project

Anita/Fern: Now and Then

Some days I look at my husband, our three children, our cat, and our home, blink, and think "How did I get here?"
I find myself constantly wondering how my life's events led me to this exact moment in time. How did I become the person I am today?
In an effort to figure that out, I am going to spend 100 days reflecting on the way things are now, and the way things used to be.
Every day I will take note of a single moment or event as it occurs, and will use it to remind myself of a moment or event from my past. I will then write about both my "Now"s and my "Then"s as openly and honestly as I possibly can, in an effort to give myself and others a little insight into both the person I am, and the person I once was. Are we really one in the same?

It’s mid-morning and I’m preparing to bath the baby. I usually give him his bath in the evening, but he’s had a bit of a blow out, you know, in his nappy. It definitely warrants a bath.

I’m attempting to roll his change table with built in baby bath into the bathroom, but there’s stuff all over the floor. A pink potty resting on top of a white cloth nappy. A purple fairy costume in a tangle. A wet towel that was used to dry the condensation off the windows. A white plastic stool for little people to stand on so they can reach the toilet and the sink. It’s quite the obstacle course. I kick everything out of the way and wheel the bath over to the shower. It squeaks as it glides across the floor.

I’m reaching into the shower now and taking the shower nozzle down from its perch. I’m so glad I went ahead and bought these new shower fittings. I lift up the changing pad to expose the plastic tub beneath it, and I place the shower head inside the bath. I turn the tap around to hot. I stand and watch and wait. I test the water temperature with the in side of my wrist. It feels a bit too warm, so I decrease the water temperature slightly. When the bath is full, I turn off the tap, and return the shower nozzle back to its rightful resting place.

The baby soap is sitting in the little plastic shelf on the side of the change table. I pick it up and squirt it into the water three times. I check that there are clean cloths in the racks below the bath. I make sure I have a couple of dry towels ready. I pull the changing pad back down over the tub so that the water doesn’t spill, and as I begin to wheel the cumbersome contraption out to the living room I remember…

I have a surprise for Mum. I am so excited to tell her because she is going to be so happy and so proud and she will think I’m a really big girl. I have been so good.

Mum is in the dining room and she is giving the new baby a bath. The new baby is a girl and she is my sister and her name is Sophie. I like my new sister but I don’t like the weird brown thing on her tummy button. Mum says that will fall off soon, and I hope that Mum is right because it makes me feel yucky when I look at it.

Mum has the baby in the bath, but it’s not a proper bath. It’s teeny tiny and only babies can fit in it. The bath is on top of the table, and Mum is standing up next to the table. Mum is holding on to my baby sister so that she can’t slip under the water, because then she wouldn’t be able to breathe. Babies need to breathe.

I can hear the radio but it’s not playing music it’s just talking. I walk up to Mum and I start to tell her about my big surprise, but Mum is not listening. Mum says that I have to be quiet for now because she is busy and she’s listening to the radio. Mum tells me to shush and it makes me feel sad.

It’s after lunch now and I’m going into my bedroom to play. I see my bed and I see that it is different. I see that Mum has made my bed and now I am extra sad. Mum was too busy with the radio and the baby to listen to me, and she doesn’t even know that I tried to surprise her by making my bed all by myself today. Mum doesn’t think I did a good job. I sit down on my bed. I don't feel like playing anymore.

Day 19:

The baby bath

I should probably let my mother forget about this now... Sorry Mum!